For Mom

Aug. 10 2006

Dear Mom,
I’ve never really sat down to write you since you’ve been gone. At times it seems like a bad dream. Or a really long vacation and you will be back. I tried not to think about you leaving me even though I knew you would.
So many times I’ve wanted to call you. Like then I’m cooking and forget how you made something. I could always grab the phone and ask you and you’d be right there to help.
I was so glad you knew I was pregnant and expecting a girl. I wish you could have been in the room when she was born, like you were with the boys. She’s so beautiful mom, and I gave her your name. You were so good to the boys; I just wish you could meet her. Maybe she was given to me because you were leaving.
You would be so proud of the boys. They have grown so much. They still talk about you, and write about you in there journals at school. I won’t let them forget how much you loved them.
It’s been a rough road the last year and a half. I hear you telling me to be strong because that’s how you raised me. And yes.. you did a great job! I couldn’t have asked for a better mother. Thank you.. from the bottom of my heart. At times it hard to have your stuff around and other times it warms me and my home!! I even dream about you from time to time. Right after you were gone and I was stressed about the bills and insurance, I dreamt you were sitting there telling me it was ok and it would all work out. And.. it did!
I miss you so much. It eases my pain to know that you’re not suffering anymore. Sometimes that’s how I get though it. I’m glad I was able to take care of you until the end. There’s no other place I would have chosen to be.
I know you told me the day before you died that you didn’t want me to cry over you… Well.. I failed badly! I was in tears all the way though this.
I wish I could be handing you a present right now but instead I wrote you this letter for your birthday.
Love your daughter,
Vivian